We’re leaving Australia tomorrow, so it’s time to give you my review of the place.

We came to Australia after a sometimes good and sometimes shite journey around Japan and SE Asia, and I was expecting Australia to be the same half and half experience. But it’s been fantastic. The people, the places, the culture, the experiences: all crackin. We came here a month earlier than planned, we stayed two weeks more, and Lynn wanted to stay even longer. And that’s with us only travelling up and down the east coast, nae scuba diving, nae surfing, nae coral reef, nae outback.

It’s brilliant here, especially Sydney. I keep saying to Lynn “Sydney’s like Grand Theft Auto”. Everywhere I go I seem to come across something interesting before my attention span runs out. Gay Darlinghurst, degenerate Kings Cross, the Chinese toon, stunning Circular Quay with its view of the harbour bridge and the opera house, the beautiful botanic gardens with its bats and cockatoos, Bondi, relaxing family orientated Balmain, Petersham with its video shop’s “Five films for five nights: $10″ Wednesday offer.

I could go on and on but it’s all summed up by this lot. I’m so glad I came to Australia. I’m not easily pleased and very easily bored, but the last 5 and a bit months have given me cherished memories I’ll be bringing up for years and years to come.

Adios Australia!

Lynn’s away oot wae her mate so ah’m on the Counter-strike again. If any cunt oot there’s gonnae be on a server in the next 3 hours then gimme a shout and I’ll jump on and get ye.

It’s our last week in Australia. I’m just kind of free wheeling just noo until we get our flight to New Zealand, nae hurry to do anything. Lynn came back to the room for lunch after doing a bit of work, and there was me filing my toe nails in the nude and watching Dr. Phil. That’s how this week’s going.

It’s a private room, by the way, no a dorm.

I’ve only got a few things I really want to do before I leave. One is walking across the harbour bridge on the footpath it’s got, and the other is feeding crackers to the cockatoos in the botanic gardens. I saw some wean covered wae cockatoos a few months ago, aboot seven or eight of them all perched along her arms getting tucked into whatever she was feeding them, and noo ah want a shot.

And then that will be goodnight Australia!

The money I got from that bit of work I done a while ago, that is.

13 days work has funded 2 months in sunny Sydney (and no so sunny Melbourne). Not a penny of my travel savings touched in that time. I’m delighted, so ah um. I feel like I won a 2 month all expenses paid holiday to Australia.

So in effect, I took this ferry home to Balmain under harbour bridge on 5th March for free:

I enjoyed this fantastic view on the great ocean road on the 13th March for free:

The fudge I ate on this Melbourne beach on the 21st March cos me fuck all:

Wombat encounter, 30th March, free:

I mean I could go on. Okay.

Ramsey Street, 3rd April, free:

Dyin wae the cauld in Melbourne, 8th April, free:

And a flight back tae sunny Sydney for the spectacular view in these videos (right click and save):

Take 1
Take 2
Take 3

All free!

There’s a prostitute that hangs aboot Kings Cross who reminds me of Isabella Rossellini in Wild at Heart:

Don’t get too excited, lads. She’s probably aboot 40, and because she’s a Kings Cross prostitute, ye’ve got yer heroin and your ozone free sky making her look aboot 50.

Incidentally, here’s Isabella Rossellini at 50:

Although Isabella now looks like a lesbian, she doesn’t look rough as fuck like this one I’m going on about. The one I’m going on about is more like the whore Shirley Stelfox plays in 1984:

Only this one I’m going on about disnae go “come on… come on… come on” like Shirley did.