BBC2 Scotland (UK-wide on Sky 990), 10pm.

Nae Falconhoof or Jacqueline tonight, Falconhoof/Jacqueline fans, but they’ll be back next week, the last episode.

Tonight you’ll see John Paul: Junior (my first podcast episode); Dee Dee outside, spotting the scariest thing he’s ever seen in his life; and Mr. Mulvaney getting shot of some evidence.

Plus you’ll bear witness to the brainstorming of four hilarious, brand new comedy character creations, right before your very eyes.

Hope you like it!

That’s right, episode 4 tonight at 10pm, BBC2 Scotland (UK-wide on Sky 990). Tune in for John Paul’s series debut, and other stuff.

I got a taxi up the road last night. Halfway home, the taxi driver goes like that “So is that you had enough for the night then?”. Pure slow voice, guy was 69, I found out later.

I said “Aye, haha”, laughing at nothing.

Taxi driver goes “Working themorra, aye?”

I said “Well, I’m kinda self-employed, so I can just have a big lie in, really”.

He did not like the sound of that at all.

“Aye, well ye want to watch oot for that”, he says. “Just because you’re self employed, it disnae mean ye can lie in and take days aff”. Slow and monotonous as fuck.

I just gave a wee laugh and said “Aye”, agreeing with him, when I didn’t.

Big long pause, and he continues. “I mean ah cannae dae that, ah’ve been daein this for 25 years. Ye decide, right, ah’m gonnae take a day aff here, take a few days aff there, work at the weekend. And what happens come the weekend? Fuckin taxi breaks doon”.

I kind of laughed, but he didn’t.

Anyway, he eventually stopped at my flat, and continued with his advice.

“Cos the thing is, when you’re self-employed, ye’re yer ain boss. It’s you ye’ve got to drag oota bed in the morning, naebody else is gonnae dae it. And ye’re no just working for theday, you’re workin for themorra, ye know?”.

I felt like going like that to him:

“You’re everything that’s wrang wae this country, ya pessimistic prick. I’m away tae sleep for 12 hours, then get up only to play Modern Warfare 2 until my fingers faw aff. Cos that’s the sorta life ye cut oot for yersell when ye don’t let no-can-do, doonbeat bastards like yersell enter yer heid. Enjoy yer 6am cauld shower, ya dour-faced, Calvinist cunt”.

But I just went like that “Cheers”.

Nae tip, though.

That’s right. Tonight, 10pm, BBC2 Scotland (UK-wide on Sky 990).

If you miss it, or you want to watch the previous episodes, you’ll get it on the iPlayer here:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b00hv3n0

P.S. If you’re enjoying the show, please let the BBC know here.

I’m on the front cover on Take a Break magazine!

http://www.takeabreak.co.uk

Is it because they love Limmy’s Show? No. Is it because they hate Limmy’s Show? No.

It’s because I killed a woman in the game Grand Theft Auto IV:

And now it’s news.

Coming up in next week’s Take a Break: Limond glorifies throwing hadoukens at fire-breathing Indian yoga masters.