I’m just after watching the last hour of that match there, absolutely fucking nail-biting. I was ready for leaving the hoose halfway in and going for a walk, cos ah couldnae take it, no joke.
I was just thinking “Please don’t let us lose again. Please don’t. Please, Scotland, please produce a winner. Please. Please produce a winner for fuck’s sake, I fucking beg you”.
Brilliant, just brilliant. What a match. I normally couldnae gie a fuck about tennis, but Jesus, that was brilliant that.
Disarming Britain, a “gun and knife crime season”, starts tonight on Channel 4.
The usual London/England-centric carry on, where one documentary is described as featuring “testimonies of teenagers across the UK” without ever leaving England, and a collection of short films on the website looking at “UK gang culture”, meaning all that gangsta shite they’ve got in London.
Aye, it dips into Glasgow for a second, but so fuck.
Here’s my review of GTA IV, now that I’ve finally completed it.
Disappointing.
I actually feel a bit guilty and spoilt for being disappointed in it, cos of the amount of work that’s went into making the game, but I just can’t help feeling let down. I was sitting playing it at times, trying to work out why I didn’t like it. There I had this big city to play with, all created to a high level of detail with all these cars to steal and people to kill and missions to go on, yet I was frequently bored or pissed off or unhappy about something.
Here’s what I think led to my overall disappointment, in a roughly chronological order:
The animation was a lot slower than I expected. Compared to other games on the 360, GTA IV felt like it was running in a browser.
I thought the music was a bit shite.
There I’m tapping the button to run, the phone rings, the button to run happens to be the same button to answer the phone, I accidentally answer the phone - pain in the fucking arse.
It became apparent that the car wash was pointless. Same with rattling buttons to hotwire a car quicker. Same with having a girlfriend, and having other friends to an extent. Even money was relatively pointless, cos you could afford everything with a few grand, and you could earn a few grand in a few minutes. I was like that to myself “what’s the fucking point of all this?”
Niko was becoming a total fucking downer. He’s got none of the joie de vivre that CJ from San Andreas has. I used to love it when CJ shouted “Gimme that paper!” after robbing somecunt. None of that with Niko.
The game started to feel generally joyless and not as funny as the old ones.
Some of the cut scenes went on forever. I timed one where I was chatting to someone in hospital, and it went on for just under 4 minutes. Almost 4 minutes of somecunt going on and on and on about some family’s involvement with some other family and how if whatshisname doesn’t do thingy then such and such will happen, capisce? But I didn’t capisce, because it got to the point that I started skipping the cut scenes cos I wanted to play a fucking game and not watch a 3 month long film.
The missions began to feel samey. Go to a building to kill some guy, but you have to get past all these other guys first. Or chase a car for a few minutes, then kill the guy. They could have got me firing a rocket launcher in Times Square or sniping from the Statue of Liberty, but naw. Fuck, I remember in Vice City or something they had me motorbiking from skyscraper to skyscraper, what happened to all that fun and adventure?
The ending is doonbeat as fuck, like the end of a heartfelt morality tale, to maybe remind you that crime doesn’t pay. Sorry, but I’m just after burning prostitutes alive for fun, ah couldnae gie two fucks. Noo where’s mah fucking game?
And last but not least, the multiplayer can be a good laugh, but only when you’re pissing people off. It’s hard to care about levelling up in a buggy as fuck game that sometimes takes about 10 minutes to get started, and hammers your ears with “faggot” and “nigger” every 2 seconds.
Aye, so disappointed. A £45 disappointment. Tons of work put into it, but just not a lot of fun, energy or excitement. Call of Duty 4 wipes the floor with it.
They say you should never hit a woman. But if she tried that with me, and if I thought I would get away with it, I would take great delight in putting every ounce of my being behind one almighty punch right into her junkie fucking face to watch every one of her junkie fucking teeth fly up into her junkie fucking hair.
I fucking hate her, and I hope she gets booed tae fuck at T in the Park. I really, really hate her, I want her to die of an overdose before the year is out.
Here’s the story about the Clyde dolphin, in case you don’t know.
I think Orange are behind this. I think they captured a wild dolphin and they planned to paint it Orange and send it up the Clyde, to promote their Dolphin talk plan.
To try and train it, they gave it that gash above the eye and starved it, hoping it would break the dolphin’s will. But the dolphin escaped, and now it’s dying in the Clyde.
