http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-tayside-central-10808422
“A man caught jumping up and down naked on a trampoline has avoided a jail sentence. Falkirk Sheriff Court heard Burden had his ‘manhood’ in one hand and a cigarette in the other when the neighbour saw him. Mike McMahon, prosecuting, said: ‘He told police he had gone out to the trampoline and had masturbated himself there’. Asked why he did it, Burden told officers: ‘Just for the thrill of it.’”
Belter.
Does anybody know if it’s any good?
Looks like his penis is made out of white paper
He looks a bit of a bouncing wanker!
The Judge was a bit harsh. no? The jumped-up wanker.
Good idea, Mickeus. If anybody tries it, please post your emotions here.
Who said men can’t multitask?
to be fair the guy is a pioneer!
i cant believe id never thought of it.
i dont know of any trampolines but the shows are in town and theyve got a bouncy castle! il let yous know how it goes!
That’s just goin’ to make me feel nervous with anticipation next time I visit my nieces. They’ve got a MASSIVE wan!
His “manhood”. Well he’slost that now. Poor sod.
Lynn, you should have been his defence counsel.
‘Your Honour, it was dark, he fancied a wank, and a fag, and a bit of exercise. He was merely multi-tasking’….I think he might have got away with it.
he got done for shameless indecency, whats the difference between that and regular indecency?
judge: do you feel any shame for your actions?
the bouncing wank: your holes your hole, your honour.
what if you did one of those sit down jumps… could end up wi a twisted bollock
If he’s bold enough to try that in the garden then fuck knows what he does behind closed doors- crazy bastard.
Time it right and you could easily spunk into the next garden,depending on the wind of course.
Jack ur body, ya sex pest!
I see a “rise” in sales…
http://trampoline-warehouse.co.uk/?gclid=CKOW7_PJk6MCFRgulAodMW9qoA
@Tam90, hahaha.
If not for wind resistance his ejaculate, regardless of bounce height, would fall at the same speed as him, subject to the same gravity. So, on a wind free day, if he managed to jizz horizontally, and the target was at the same height as the trampoline, it would hit as he goes for another bounce. There’s a certain symmetric poetry there. Don’t think jizz velocity would be easy to control and it’d probably work best in a vacuum.
Reckon this guy has had a wank in a ballpit?
He should bring out an excersize vid. Wankersize.
Your obviously a dribbler then Jack.I shoot with such force I’m like Keanu Reeves in the Matrix trying to dodge my filthy muck.Could probably smash nest doors greenhouse if I put my mind to it.
Men have so much fun. If I wanted to smash next door’s greenhouse I’d have to fling one of my tits across the rose-bushes.
Do you think bouncing wank man was interviewed on radio 4′s PM today?
who’s the cat with his cock out, when there’s a danger all about….. Shaft….he’s a complicated man alright.
‘Just for the thrill of it’…….Diet Cock
Only in Falkirk
Rohypnotist,
how many cock jokes do you have in your rohypetoire? (x)
Just one big one……….. try this for size. What do you call a female Peacock ? That’s right a PeaCunt. Oh great joy, great joy and ejaculations. I got that one out of a Netto Christmas Cracker.
Just one big one. On your forehead!!! (Canned laughter).
I know that you take a while to warm up, and then to calm down, so I am virtually rubbing your tummy now – there, there, – be alert though my friend- I could change direction at any moment and give you a slap.
The weekend is young, and I at least, enjoy your end of the week let off’s.
Did you ever get into trampolining?
I was always more into wheelbarrowing and tromboning…. what kind of trampoline was it anyway… if it was one of those ones with the net round it, the man is fuck all and not worth of our attention the fuckin trotter
rohypnotist,
they don’t say, but what he should be more worried about is that he may be “removed from the community” if he does anything like it again.
Are there Aliens in Falkirk?
And, when asked why he looked at his neighbour’s window, he said: “Because I had seen the light go on” seems a fair enough comment.?
Hearing that I must admit I identify with this bloke….my late night outdoor wanking sessions are very much motivated by the fear of not getting caught
If you see a light go on, put it away and stub your fag out. I know you are a wanker, but I would hate to see you get caught.
Limmy, me and my pal here are not trying to hi-jack your blog. It just seems that it is meant to be…
Limmy’s the kid….we all know that…..that’s why we come up here……I wouldn’t try and hijack the main man’s blog……I’m just wiping my cock on it
rohypnotist,
oh come on, don’t let me have the last word! Didn’t mean to call you a wanker, even though you said it yourself. Don’t make me do it, don’t make me go out into the garden for a fag…even the stuffed pheasant on the mantlepiece is giving me evils! Say it’s ok. Say it’s all ok?
I’ll let you into a little secret….. we’re all wankers….. as my old man said to me: ‘Son, you meet a better class of woman when you’re masturbating’
This means noting to me………………Viennetta
I meant ‘this means nothing to me……..Vienetta’
It’s probably quite a hard thing to do I reckon cause of the multiple directions. It’d be a bit like rubbing your belly and patting your head at the same time.
Having said that someone should be able to do what they want in their own kingdom. Like Kinga fae Big Brother. If I was him I would’ve took the stance that it was in fact the neighbour who is in the wrong. I would’ve said…
“I put it to you your honour that I am not the criminal here. Yes I was on the trampoline and yes I was masturbating but was I not within the boundaries of my own property? I put it to you your honour that the real criminal here is my neighbour who at 0500 hours was, dare I say, acting as a Peeping Tom while I was in my most private moments of self-intimacy. I was the one who was alarmed here your honour, I was the one who was scared and I was the one whose rhythm was broken so I ask you this….is he not the criminal here?”
To which the Judge would say……’No.’
You can tell what’s happened though. He’s obviously been sitting boozing all night and nipped out the garden to smoke as he doesn’t in the house. He’s standing there drunk, smoking, spots the trampoline and thinks to himself…’there’s no way that this can be a bad idea’
The thing I find most alarming is the fact that the guy was on a trampoline with a cigarette. That’s mental!
Vinnie mate, forgive me for prying but do you own a Primark black and white checked jumper….and a roll of paper….and a trampoline…..and a cigarette….and a penis ?
Big Mac, forgive me for prying…..do you have hairy nipples ?
I would never shop in Primark.
Vinnie, you legend.
You AND Lynn could have got this bloke off!
Hang on, I mean aquitted – that sounds better.
On behalf of the neighbour, I have to say that if I heard someone bouncing and grunting at 5am, I wouldn’t have minded, because I would have been ASLEEP! Unless it was a regular occurrence, in which case, I would have been ASLEEP. But who am I to judge…
As for you, rohypnotist, and your ice-cream related rejection – I don’t like your cone. I mean tone.
Fuck shopping in Primark Vinnie……..shoplifting mate….it’s a piece of piss in there…the store detectives in that shithole have fuckin given up mate
Everyone likes my cone………after you’ve held it in your hand for a minute or so it’s running down your arm all sweet and sticky…and I’ve got greensleeves. Fuckin lovin’ all that old 80′s shite on BBC4 at the minute………winnit.
Big Mac? Was that meant for me?
If the answer is yes, then the answer is yes. If not, then no, they are beautiful. Sorry if I disappoint you.
Actually, if I’m honest, one looks like a striped shirt from Primark, and the other…well there is no other. I flung it over a rosebush to hit a greenhouse. Why do you think I have no photo/gravitar?
HA!
I want to get a gravitar, but it seems I may have to change my name, and I don’t want to change my name.
Anyone who lives in a city without a Primark………you’re beneath my contempt….and that’s fuckin low let me tell you…. if Primark haven’t opened-up near you that’s their way of telling you that an appearance on the Jeremy Kyle Show is way more than the best you can fuckin hope for….. excuse my french….bicyclette
There’s a Waitrose opening near my road soon. Why don’t you come and visit and share some garlic bollocks in a trampoline sauce. With a jizz jus.
Actually, that wasn’t really an invitation. Just a joke. I don’t know you well enough yet.
Bicyclette? Is that a Gainsborg reference?
I’m more of a Sainsburys man myself…. You whore of Satan….. I’ll make you wetter than Jamie Oliver’s tongue….and no mistake…..tuna and pasta bake
I think I know what happened with Bouncing Wank man. He had a nap during the day, then couldn’t sleep during the night. There was nothing much on telly, so he was forced to watch ‘men behaving badly’, and thought, fuck this, I’ll go outside for a fag…it could happen to the best of us.
Yuk. Jamie Oliver’s tongue. Not nice. You manservant of mandelson.
How dare you. Bitch. Cunitch. I’ll cleanse you with a hymn. Ahem. Free. Free. Free, Free ,Free Winston Mandela.
Re:The Bouncing Wank Man….. in the words of Chris Rock:’That tiger ain’t gone crazy, that tiger went tiger’
Nytol. X
bottle merchant
bottle merchant as in Kinga off Big Brother
Me? Not me pal. Just don’t want to bore everyone else, although I enjoyed it. Where is everyone else? Asleep? Or trampolining? Or trying to sleep while neighbours are bouncing around.
And don’t call me a bitch/whore. Not in that whorder.
As in Kinga?! Are you still getting off on that one. come on. And I spent so much time with you today.
I wouldn’t call you bitch. Not yet. I hardly know you.
Yeah, I agree. And I’ll hold off calling you an ignorant helmet until we are at least engaged.
My. Look at the time. There’s nothing like an annoyingly similar male counterpart(?) to keep a lass awake.
To stay on message, shall we organise a trip for Limmy fans to go for an intensive course of trampolining? We might be able to ‘pull together’ an olympic team if we start now?
Bottle merchant. Brown bottle merchant.
You’s two can shut it – we’re here to discuss subjects related to bouncing and/or chugging. Lather, rinse and repeat.
If that’s what you’re into.
You dirty bastard.
I can imagine him eyeing up his trampoline from the kitchen window as the idea blossoms in his head.
Maybe he’d just watched 2001 and thought this was the closest he’d ever get to a zero-g wank.
Jackman, you seem like a thoroughly decent young man….full of spunk and derring-do…eh-what ? Let me thank you for leading us back to the matter in hand. No doubt you are a fan of trampolining, masturbating and dare I say it N-DUBZ….?
i don’t see what the fuss is about … in the photo, he is holding his penis which looks like a rolled up piece of paper. if that causes offence, then you better close every wh smith in the country. actually, just do that anyway. limmy – you must have the power to do that now you are replacing jonathan ross at the beeb.
Actually Rohypnotist, I run a common interest group based those very three subjects. You’re welcome to join us, we don’t have many members. It’s just me and this guy.
Good to see he’s getting the word out.
I’m there mate….I’m there.
That’s how it starts, before he knows it he’ll be found deid oan the waltzers baw deep in a remote controlled latex pussy.. wi a butt plug rammed up his jobby hatch.
What they didn’t print is that he was auto-asphyxiating with a skipping rope at the same time. Nothing like a bit of garden-based gratification.