Comments on: Disgusting stories

By: Steven

Steven — Thu, 13 May 2010 21:22:48 +0000

I wiped my arse with a map of africa once, it was all I had in my pocket at the time. Though I figured africa was total shite anyway so one more skidmark wouldnt hurt.

By: central scotland

central scotland — Wed, 12 May 2010 08:55:11 +0000

Ma mate was diagnosed with cancer in high school-as you would expect, everyone was pretty distraught at this.He gets told he will need chemo and promptly shaves his head in preparation so that he and everyone else will be used to it-a big group of people shave there in head in solidarity for him as well.A couple weeks later he finds out that the tests results were wrong and that,in fact,he is perfectly fine.We all have a laugh about this and comment on his good fortune.Prior to his new (negative) test result his auntie and uncle,distraught at there 17yr old nephew having cancer,had promised to pay for him to go on an all-expenses holiday costing over 5k to keep his spirits up.
My mate,on advice from his mum and dad!withheld the good news from his aunt and uncle and kept up the pretence that he had cancer so that he would still get the holiday.He went on the holiday with spending money,all-expenses and the aunt and uncles best wishes.Disgusting?
PS his sister(30yrs+) got divorced from her husband when he walked in one morning and found her lying naked with TWO naked 19yr olds.
not a nice family

By: snufkin

snufkin — Tue, 04 May 2010 15:59:05 +0000

I was on the bus from glasgow to Edinburgh a few years ago. A guy opposite me a seat in front started pissing up the back of the seat and it roled all the way down the bus. I first heard the trickle/spray and my immediate reaction was to say what the fuck! He was startled by this and proceded to put it away resulting in him pishin his pants. He said, a couldnae help it. At my exclamation over the event two women saw what was going on and went ahhggg and shouted driver driver this guys just pished up the back of yer seat. As soon as the bus arrived at the bus station he was off like a shot and nobody stopped him. We were about 5 mins away when he did this. He could of jumped off the bus as we werre in the city and found a toilet/done it in the street. Or he could have asked someone if they had a bottle ior summit.

By: mindylx

mindylx — Wed, 28 Apr 2010 20:15:54 +0000

We were at a party up the Stone in Greenock and everyone pished and decided to order a massive chinky take-away. Loads of chicken curry and rice dishes everywhere and this one lassie was aff her face and scoffed her whole tray in about 30 seconds only to spew it up about a further 30 seconds later (straight into the foil tray and hardly spillin a drop by the way!) A bit later this wanker staggers in (you know who you are Mitchell) obnoxious drunken bastard demanding food – we all goes no probs at all big man – help yourself to Lizzie's curry (the regurgitated wan). He ate it all wi a plastic fork and never even flinched – but i nearly got put aff chicken curries for life tho…..

By: daviehood

daviehood — Sun, 25 Apr 2010 15:10:40 +0000

Years ago while on a night oot i met this stunning girl in a club. After chatting I found out she worked in Burtons and thought I'm gonnie nip in there sober and see if I can get a date oot of her.

A few day's later I went to the store where she worked and she recognised me right away. She came over and started talking and her body language was giving oot mega vibes that was she interested.

Well, right oot of the blue I sneezed and this big lump of flemghy cattargh catapulted right oot the back of my throat and in a kinda slow motion somersault motion it flew thru the air and landed right on her nice black blouse just above her right tit...... She just put her hand to her mouth, turned around and bolted right to the back shop.

The baw wis well and truly burst.

By: quimmage

quimmage — Sat, 24 Apr 2010 08:51:52 +0000

I was at the Oxegen festival in Ireland a few years ago and was too cheapskate to get a camping ticket. So I kipped in the jeep in the car park for the weekend. Come Sunday morning, my guts were in agony from 2 days of binge-drinking and burger-eating. I needed a poo. Real fast. Now, because I was a cheapskate in the car park, there were NO portaloos. The nearest one was a 15 minute walk through the sloppy, muddy fields of a campsite and I knew I didn't have time for that. The tightest of clenching wasn't gonna keep this thing in...

I got out the jeep and desperately looked for a bush, or anywhere vaguely hidden so I could release the beast. Too many people! I explained to my poor, then boyfriend my predicament and told him to take a long walk and don't look back. I'm rather good at improvising and this was no exception. I got back into the jeep and found 2 plastic bags. I put one inside the other and formed a sort of make-shift bowl that I laid on the front passenger seat. I lowered myself down over the bags, pulled down my jeans, and laid a cardie over my legs. To any passer-by, I was just sitting in a jeep. In reality I was sitting over a plastic bag about to fill it with shite. I was in desperate agony.

So this thing didn't need asking twice to come out. It was pishin out my arse, and then I was pissin at the same time. The bags were filling up. The relief!

I found facewipes, wiped my arse, pulled up my jeans, opened the door and saw what I had given birth to. It was like a yellowy-brown watery pie and I couldn't help but chuckle at my creation.

Disposal was a simple tying of a knot on the bag and walloping it under a neighbouring car.

By: Amy

Amy — Thu, 15 Apr 2010 16:14:28 +0000

Oh that made me sick. Yuck.

By: platesofbeef

platesofbeef — Tue, 13 Apr 2010 12:26:52 +0000

Two stories:

Me and a mate were at a really shite club night, which was a freebie with free booze, food, etc. As it was populated with media type wankers, boredom set in quickly. So we pished in our half-empty (green) beer bottles and left them alongside the other free booze, then followed the two tits about that were sipping warm pish mixed with fairly flat, warmish, Becks, and giving strange glances to the bottles. Probably improved the taste. But, this story embarrasses me to this day. Don’t tell anyone.

The other story is summed up with one sentence: my mate licked a prostitutes fanny.

By: andy

andy — Mon, 12 Apr 2010 02:17:20 +0000

it cannae be dying when its still getting 270 comments on a recent post.

anno u wanna be right, but err no!!

By: Craig McArthur

Craig McArthur — Fri, 09 Apr 2010 19:01:26 +0000

its not gunna die anything else is it