Every now and then there is a huge bit of news on the telly. Something that beats the expenses thing. A disaster, something like that. Something massive.
I think that time is approaching. I think we’ll hear it within a week.
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Iran will nuke North Korea.
Don’t do it, Limmy.
Too late, Thomas. I spent about two grand in Victor Morris yesterday, and it wasn’t on drum machines.
North Korea will nuke South Korea
Whatever disaster you’re starting Limmy, hopefully it will include the obliteration of Hampden Park this weekend. Please.
I just had a Kinder egg and all I got was a shitey fuckin’ sheep with a ladybird on it’s nose. No wee bits to put together, fuckin’ nothing to it.
And capsule thing inside it has changed so you can’t fire it a people. Fuckin’ shite!
Is this the sort of thing you were talking about?
1) Obama shot
He-Man Jelly is relauched and puts Mars out of business
2) Ahmadinejad assasinated
3) War with Korea/Iran/Pakistan and US
4) Fundamental decline leading to complete breakdown of society(folk eatin shoes etc)
5) Terry Wogan found dead in smack den clutching a half eaten bag of Bikers
6) Gordon Brown has a massive heart attack on live TV (dies)
7) Celtic and Rangers merge and join English fitba
9) Outbreak of ‘man made’ pandemic by CIA
10) My hotly tipped favs – Staged contact by Extra Terrestrials and/or ‘God’ (could be the same thing) by H.A.A.R.P. (google it, and watch this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G9idAkMEFaE)
The word on the street about the Super Large Hardon (sic) Collider has been a bit quiet recently. Do you think the trans-dimensional satanic armies have amassed enough demonpower (sic) to burst forth and devastate mankind and all his godless creations? Either that or Cliff Richard might do a wee song at fucking Wimbledon again.
Welcome to the headquarters of Brain “Limmy” Limond, west central Scotland’s premiere Flash-based comedy website stand-up/TV crossdresser act supremo, and PROPHET, bar none.
Korea will assassinate Obama
Theres some massive news the day, wait for it:
Katie Price(aka Jordan) is goin mental in Ibiza…, just what everyone needs to be told about eh. fucksake.
Thatcher deed. TV jammed with tributes to Beelzebub. Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead!
the american rednecks have been waiting for the whole obama president thing to calm down, for the assassination rumors and precautions to be forgotton.
now that it has i reckon he’s goin to get a cap-in-his-ass.
The Isle of Man will invade Dublin. North and South will forget their differences and stand united against the Manx Infidel. The British government, wishing to remove the expenses scandal, the Iraq war, Afghanistan and the credit crunch from the public’s psyche will throw their might behind the Manx. Scotland will be divided between those who want to fight for Ireland and those who believe in the Manx/British Infidel Coalition. Terror will reign for 17 months until the British Isles and Ireland implode like the Superman franchise. I, Dubya B Yeats, will be the only surviving human and I will call forth my Queen, Ana the Ivanovic of Serbia, to take her rightful place at my side as we rule our new kingdom; Kingdom Cum.
p.s. Limmy won’t fight for any side and will broadcast his show to a scattered few with analogue TV from a garage in Stornoway. His time will pass in the 15th month of the war when the real Jacqueline McCafferty hunts him down and forces him to watch her Big Brother audition tape on repeat without food, without water, without hope…
that paris-rio plane crash was a fairly big bit of news.
bigger than this? or was this too long ago?
22/6/09
Was it A Keytar?
Speaking of something similar im thinking about getting a midi keyboard and giving this Reason software a bash.
What one do you have and how much did it skin you?
right then Nicholas cage haha
The Cheeky Girls have split?
Have you had a premonition or something? I`m going to see take that on Sunday. Hope it doesn`t happen at Hampden. Thats gonnae be in ma heid now.
Mcdonalds release a new burger…..a death on corrie…So that’s most of the population occupied then! Now to deal with those tricky non retards!
wot did u do with that wee Boss handheld sequencer? U still got it?
Nah, nothin’ due for two weeks, according to the Tarot Cards.
Joe, I think the Boss thing was my tone module, was the sequencer no yours? The Yamaha QY10?
http://img171.imageshack.us/i/dsc00037xp3.jpg
aye i know what you mean, remember the G8 thing at gleneagles then they had those terrorist attacks right in the middle of it stopped every cunt from talking about the G8.
Im with u somethin really bigs gonny happen like the arran will just disappear of the face of the earth!
Broonbottle, I didn’t have a premonition, but my inner moon clock tells me that stuff out there is aligning and we’re in for a big one within the next 7 days.
‘I just had a Kinder egg and all I got was a shitey fuckin’ sheep with a ladybird on it’s nose. No wee bits to put together, fuckin’ nothing to it.’
Most annoying thing EVER!
‘And capsule thing inside it has changed so you can’t fire it a people. Fuckin’ shite!’
Second most annoying thing EVER!
Roach… I feel ya! (not in the way your head feels tea, but you know…)
Fuck off Limmy, you’ve cornered the whole comedy/flash/TV hing. Geez a break – ah’ve got mooths tae feed here.
My prediction? A record breakin, climate change induced roastin summer will see ginger sales rocket. Boatles will be at a premium, and 10p will be added tae the value of a gless cheque.
All these shite ideas that ye’s are all having are shite.
It has happened:
http://www.rowntrees-randoms.co.uk/
Limmy: “my inner moon clock… is aligning”
Go back to Edinburgh, hippy.
Transformers 2 is coming out. That big enough?
Just read that Japan have intelligence that North Korea’s planning to nuke Hawaii on the 4th of July…
King Rossco:
“Just read that Japan have intelligence that North Korea’s planning to nuke Hawaii on the 4th of July…”
Let them do it. I can’t be arsed watching another series of Lost.
some cunt will die
dont know who
hopefully katie price or winehouse
<—– That’s not an avatar, that’s a prediction.
Limmy…
I meant to ask you ages ago but forgot; were you responsible for this?
http://www.chunk.co.uk/snowball/
It’s been discovered that Pandas can’t sneeze in a recent scientific investigation. Weird that int it?
Dubya, a few of us in Chunk came up with the general idea, Donnie in Chunk designed and built it, and I did the voices.
‘Dubya, a few of us in Chunk came up with the general idea, Donnie in Chunk designed and built it, and I did the voices.’
Cool. I remember spreading it round Uni like a Whitechapel hooker.
“Here you!”
“OI! CUNTOID!!”
is it possible to hit all the windows, my brain says yes, but my shaky left hand says no
How about this for some news, Ant & Dec found shagging at the side of the swimming pool at Micheal Barrymore’s old hoose.
Or…. aw the cunts in the big brother hoose get Swine Flu and we watch the fuckers suffer a slow death on national TV.
America have put up missile defences all around Hawaii
‘aw the cunts in the big brother hoose get Swine Flu and we watch the fuckers suffer a slow death on national TV.’
Now, that’s TV worth watching! I’d pay £14.95 on pay-per-view for that!
Thought that ‘Occupation’ on BBC1 the last 3 nights was good though. There should be more quality TV; no excuse!
The media will pay Gordon Brown to resign. Failing that they’ll say obsessive cake eating causes cancer. It feels like the right time to bring the obesity topic up again.
‘America have put up missile defences all around Hawaii’
I thought people were taking the piss here but I’ve just done a wee bit o’ Columbo and found a grain of truth in these rumours.
I’m away to jump in a bath wi’ a matress over it.
ma wee granny died on sunday. that’s aw the news i give a fuck aboot.
Marky:
“It’s been discovered that Pandas can’t sneeze in a recent scientific investigation. Weird that int it?”
have you got a bet on that someone will post this in reply?:
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=8922875251875301807
…even though the missiles cannae reach Hawaii anyway. Smart cookies, them Yanks.
How’s Robbie Coltrane’s health these days?
Pandas can fly.
We should just start a rumour and see how far it gets
I get that feeling.
It’s evil twin is the moment you get sick of hearing about ‘the flood victims’ or whatever. You think: ‘I did want something to happen, now it’s boring’ before you can stop yourself. Then there’s three more weeks of it wi you tryin to gie a fuck.
That said: I’d love it to be Aliens. Love it. [If you're up there reading this blog fellas: come on down. The time is now.]
[...Then in two weeks: 'Here you! Stop invadin ma planet – away invade some cunt else's']
bla bla
I should do some work…
Gordon Brown is afraid of Pandas.
Marky: what’s this Pandas pish about?
I got that feeling on the morning of September 11th. I actually got up out my bed at about 5 am and put the News because i was sure something “big” had happened. Spookay!
Ok ‘Joe W’ we get the message You know Limmy offline from years ago, Why don’t you email him that sort of stuff instead of being totally off topic.
Patsy Kensit lets wee boys drill the fuck oot her. U12 football teams, it’s covered up though cause her Da used tae know The Krays.
Victor Morris is a total anomaly – where did anyone get the idea to combine musical instruments with instruments to open peoples faces up and shoot the neighbour’s cat?
Sorry to hear about yer Gran Eddie Munster.
this conversation is mental. I am addicted tae that snowball thing. im trying tae hit aw the windaes. i cannae let anything beat me. ill be here aw week try the veal
Aye, hope you’re alright, Eddie!
MARKY:
“Pandas can fly.”
aye they can.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/kudumomo/3470419697/
MARKY:
“Pandas can fly.”
yesterday’s news marky.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/kudumomo/3470419697/
CraigM:
“Victor Morris is a total anomaly – where did anyone get the idea to combine musical instruments with instruments to open peoples faces”
that’s where the term ‘banjaxed’ comes from.
it’s a banjo/axe combo.
available now, from victor morris..
What was the point of posting the same message twice just with different bullshit in?
It’s OBV no a REAL panda. No cookie for you. >:(
News: MPs have covered up more of their expenses!!!!!!
but somehow we’ll struggle on.
I read that Gordon Brown has bought pandas to rub on his face. It was though that he was scared of them and wanted aversion therapy (is that the right use?) to desensitise himself. But it turns out he just loves the feel of their soft fur on his face. Don’t worry abut these pandas’ welfare by the way. They’re being treated very well. It a legitimate claim on Gordon’s expenses list. The cost? You don’t need tae know that!
RIP eddiemunsters granny
Apparently the Pandas are the bitter rivals and arch-enemies of the Cucumbers.
Bit harsh on Kensit there, I’ll take that wan back.
Michael Jackson Dies
http://www.tmz.com/
you where right about the big news story
Could it be the Michael Jackson news. Limmys on the ball !!!!!
According to the news, Jacko is no more.
Apparently its now a coma.
I blame the fucking chimp.
Fucking bang on the money! That’s scary man. The minute I heard michael Jackson was dead I thought about this blog! I suspect you are some sort of witch and should be burnt at the stake!
Fucks sake. Nostradamous of Glesga right enough.
RIP Jacko. He touched so many.
Hes pan breed! Limmys right as per..Heard it was a hereditary condition in his billy genes.
RIPeeee Heeee.
well kick me in the balls and call me bubbles
OMG Limmy that’s scary
YOU KILLED MICHAEL.
Like Handsome, this post was next through my head after the news. That’s yer Moonwalker deed.
fuckin eck mate – bet jarvis cocker and martin bashir feel like a right couple of cunts now eh…and as for you Limmy what are you? fucking ET or something – whats that all about mate thats not right man.
Jacko’s deed! Well done Limmy.
I blame it on the boogie
Dinny forget Farah Fawcett anaw. double whammy!
I hate to be picky…..actually I don’t.
He said within a week – got to be out by at least half a day.
Please shout ‘pedantic fuck!’
XD
How did you predict Jacko was gonna leave this mortal coil?? Now any chance of the lottery numbers for Saturday please???
mystic meg in disguise? ya fuckin mad pscychic
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH MJ !!
you don’t get it, when you believe something bad will happen, it happens, just like if enough people believe the world is gonna end in 2012, it will. enough ppl thinking the same thing create the same thing.