The Glasgow Comedy Festival is this month, and the good thing about this one – compared to last year’s – is that I’m not in it. I didn’t go to see any shows last year cos I was too busy having my own one on my mind. But this time I get to relax and watch some other cunt on a stage trying to be funny.
So far, I’ve got tickets to see Jerry Sadowitz and Rob Brydon. And I’ll be going to see a comedy play called Odds and Sods, written by my comedy friends You Owe Me Glue; that’s on at the Ramshorn Theatre on the 24th March, if you’d care to join me.
By the way, when I say “if you’d care to join me”, I don’t mean join me join me. You might think that’s obvious, but it’s no. I remember somecunt emailed me about 8 years ago in my work, saying that he liked our stuff and he’d like to keep in touch. I didn’t think too much about it (in fact, I didn’t really know what he meant), and I said “No bother, just drop me a line any time you like” – just meaning that he could email any time he likes to ask us about Flash stuff or how to go about getting a job doing what we do.
Cunt phones me.
Cunt phones me up at my office, and says “Hi, it’s John”, or whatever his name was.
I was like that “John who?”.
“John who emailed you. You… you said I could, um… drop you a line”.
“Oh right, hiya”.
“Hi”.
Pause.
Then it dawns on me that a complete stranger is phoning me for a chat. And he has nothing to say. And I have nothing to say. Aw naw.
I can’t remember what happened next, but I think I might have filled the silence by asking myself questions. Business was going well, thanks. It was the telephone equivalent of how I’d react if a Rottweiler was staring at me. Nice and calm, there’s no situation here, don’t appear to think there’s a situation here. This is normal and we get about four or five of these kinds of phonecalls a day, complete strangers phoning up for a social chat, and then not chatting. I think I ended the call by saying I better get back to it cos it’s chockablock in here, mate (which it wasn’t).
So when I say “if you’d care to join me”, I don’t mean there’s going to be a table called “Limmy’s Blog Table”, with cunts spotting you from your avatar. I just mean that I’ll be going to watch that show, that’s all.
Anyway, who are you going to see at the Glasgow Comedy Festival, if anyone? Anyone you’d recommend? Anyone you think’s shite? Let me and everyone else know.
Cannae be arsed checking if he’s actually on, but if you see Kevin Bridges has a show he’s worth going to see. He’s only young but has already supported Frankie Boyle and that.
You’re gonny have cunts sitting in the row behind you sniffing your hair now.
*cunts = me
D’ye no think it’d be awrite but to get a group a cunts frae yer blog tae come tae it?
Just fer the sheer banter?
Im going to see Jerry Sadowitz too and David O’ Doherty, on the recommendation of my sister, can’t wait…………………….
Never actually seen a lot of Jerry Sadowitz either, but I did see one bit where he just said “old people should be killed at birth……………………….”
So figured it would be worth a watch.
Dont know anyone on the circuit worth seeing. seen that fucking neds kru guy at the comdey club supporting Dylan Moran, he was shite. Anyway what time you wanna meet up for the gig ?
Only cunt i’d go and see is irish tinker Andrew Maxwell, saw him at the Fruit market and it was fuckin brill…but I bet hes no on anyway.
Dean, head round to ours for about 7ish.
I’ll meet you at the front door right? I’ll be wearing a single red rose in my button hole (and by that I don’t mean arse).
Hahaha! thats probly the funniest post ave read eh yours…spose widnae be hard though, since its aw cakes n biscuits, ah widnae mind seein sadowitz, probly selt oot knowin ma luck, think a’l check it oot see who else is on.
Hahaahahaaa….
“Just fer the sheer banter?”
I don’t think there would be any banter. Just a real uncomfortable silence emanating from a bunch of weirdos that spend way too much time online, sittin aboot para oot their nuts. I know.
Craig Hill – he’s no funny he’s just a mincin poof
Rhona Cameron – she’s no funny either, just a daft lezzie
Des Mclean – nothin but a fuckin chancer, dick!
Frank Carson – It’s the way yae tell em, fair play, it’s a cracker
Clive James – ? ? comedy ??
wheres the funniest Des of all, des fuckin clatty Clarke, another chancer
Ed byrnes no bad, n ah think its that reg d guy ah like, dunno if its the same guy
aw aye and Ross Noble can fuck off anaw
Fuck Des Clarke is there… pffffff ah shouldnae be surprised, comedy festival and nae Doug Stanhope.
I’ve got tickets to see the one true love of my life: Jon Richardson.
Will John be going as well?
Did he ever “drop you a line ” again ?
I’m going to see Jimmy Carr at the endof March.
sound lynn look forward to it haha
I would mind checkin’ out Paul Merton. He’s funny on Have I Got News, but I’ve never seen his stand-up. Too skint to buy tickets so I will have to keep on guessin’.
Hah!
Here’s you bummin’ up your comedy friends You Owe Me Glue, giving them their big break and that guy Tom is givin’ it:
“Aw, the best time filmin’ was when Limmy wisnae there, just me and the other two and everycunt else apart fae Limmy. Whit a riot, we wur pishin’ oursels, rippin’ the pish out ay the “Twentees Plentee” sketch, which is pure shite. It made us realise how lucky we ur not tae have that Limmycunt swannin’ aroon like he’s the king of Cessnock or somethin’, when he wis aff puttin’ his make up oan and wearin’ dresses like he’s Eddie Izzard. Fuckin’ Tool.”
That was pretty much a direct quote from his blog. See here if you don’t believe me:
http://talkingpish.blogspot.com/2009/02/limmys-show-behind-scenes.html
He’ll be gettin’ his wee beard pulled aff sometime soon.
yeh shoud go and see that guy limmy hes meant tae be awrite
am going to see craig hill…canny wait.
i seen u last year probably the funniest thing ave seen…hope he cn make me laf like u did
x
i’ll be going to see steven dick if he’s on, as well as alan miller. quality.
Sounds like oor John was looking for some man love, was there any heavy breathing during the awkward silence?
See if I come to see Jerry Sadowitz with you can I sit in between you and Lynn then when anyone looks over we can all fake laugh so I look as if im in your gang? I’ll even grow my ginger beard to match ya?
Yours lovingly,
Clinto
Aka the guy in the bushes
mole: at mighta made sense when he was still doin’ standup. It still wouldn’y a been funny but.
Joanna Neary a definite, and David O’Doherty if ma maw is up for more wean watching.
Well apart from the bits you 100% made up yersel Roach you’ve got that just about spot on.
)
Support The Reverend! He’s fucking class.
http://www.list.co.uk/article/16228-scottish-comedian-feels-the-wrath-of-students/
Hello
imagine fonin ye up man, ha… whits yer number again?
Did u hear the wan aboot…..?
Maybe it was just me, but I’m getting the impression you want us all to join you at the gig. Did I pick that up right?
the wee man = john paul – funny
You seem to be a patisserie kind of guy, so try some Arnold Brown…why not?
…. that 1 out of 7 dwarfs are meant to be grumpy!
Kevin Bridges is defo worth a watch – he’s on with Frankie Boyle one night but it’s sold out I think – shouldny be a problem for someone ‘in the biz’ like yersel.
a stalker before you were famous !! very impressive
Tom, bring back the wee beard!
ha ha like the dwarf joke !!
Tom, that’s how it was and you know it. We know it. HE knows it.
Sometimes you have to read between the lines.
im now ready to reveal myself to the world with my gravitar, the winch master
Here’s that Roach spreading gossip. You’re making it out to be that the guy didn’t enjoy working wi Limmy at all. He loved it ya tool.
Roach is stirrin the shite.
*Almost* a direct quote. Except it’s nothing fuckin like it.
I presume Marky ^ is takin the piss and isnae a complete mongoloid
I know, David. Marky, tell me you’re fucking joking. Tell me you’ve no just snatched Del’s crown for the King Of No Getting It.
All hail the new….King?
I have a question for Tom, totally off topic but fuck it im no’ scared. So Tom, are you in any way related to David Mitchell from Peep Show? A simple Yes or No will suffice?
Off topic…
Do you think the court room artists these days are getting worse or is it just me?
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/gloucestershire/7921542.stm
Marky, read between the lines, man.
Read, no snort.
Tom clearly did enjoy working with Limmy, but the best bit was when Limmy wisnae there.
Would like to see Jerry Sazowitz again, he was notorious at the arches a few years back. “may I have a volunteer from the audience please? No not you, you’re too FAT!!”
Clinto, I’m sure somebody had a go at Tom for looking like David Mitchell in another post years ago.
And if there’s no Limmy’s Show Season 1 getting commisioned, well there’s always http://www.fakefaces.co.uk/lookalikes.html?categoryid=15
There’s an a clearly going to be a market for it Mitchell & Webb lookalikes when Webb wins that comedy Flashdance pish.
On that topic Limmy, your an internet funnyman, what are you doing for Red Nose day?
Sponsored cake eating? Shawshank Redemptionathon? Bronco-athon?
Or are you not “funny” enough yet to get asked to do something for the BBC?
Forget about all those grammatical errors and spelling mistakes.
And the triple posting.
Especially the your instead of you’re. I’ve fucked it.
It’s not that I’m not funny enough, Roach, is cos I’m too underground and outlandish.
Aw fuck, i got all excited, i thought tom had a behind the scenes video on his blog. I love those. But he didn’t. Thats was bad.
Lock yer daughters and wives up.. im about tae pounce
awrite limmy, been a while since i’ve posted…pure busy know…
go and see david kay – pure funny, a sort of rambling east coast sounding dead-pan guy!
clocked you in my work last week, the bier halle but you seemed to be enjoying your pizza too much for me to swagger up and say “all finished guys”, which i believe one of my colleagues then done in bar ten, fandan.
aye- a don’t think he got that. where is del? is he banned?
Aye, Kevin Bridges is recommended by me too. We saw him at the Fringe a few years ago and he was hilarious.
I’ve not booked anything so far, will need to have a wee look and see what I fancy.
wits clinto uptae ther hingin abt wae stephen hawkins..? takin him doon farmfoods fur his messages.
Didn’t get asked then/
? not /
For fucksake.
haha limmy is that really u in the photo, the wan compared to avril lavigne at 18?
pish maself when a look at it.
Was gathering research on Scottish Graphic Design Consultancies today in college. Didn’t realise you were a former member and co-founder of Chunk Ideas! How cool is that?!
Roach, you’re an embaressment or should that be ‘your an embaressment’. If it makes you feel any better, I had to look up the spelling of embaressment.
Lock up our daughters and wives, are you Fritzl in disguise McNumpshis?
fucksake, er’s a picture a the bold mcnumpshis.
where dae a go tae get ma picture up?
There’s a helluva lotta biscuits on here the night.
hahaha, and guess wit man its the best picture ah could find eh masel… it actually compliments me, im just a natural wincher
Hull Biscuit-nut, you’re gettin it !
Sadowitz is a hero of mine. Pure nae compromise.
Although I’m sure he would vomit at the notion of him being a hero to anyone.
Andrew Maxwell was also a good laugh a few years back.
haha – awkward silence. Using patter like “drop me a line” will attract d!ks. Maybe you should be more literal??
Rhod Gilbert….nuff said
Ive been lucky enough to get a hold of 2 tix for Michael Macintyre at the SECC. I know its not til october and its not part of the comedy festival but I guess its still relevant eh? I honestly didnt see anything in this years program that really jumped out at me.
I wish they were doing a Burnistoun live show.
Heh heh. How fucking shite was that. Not one good sketch.
Im hoping tonights ‘One star’ is rotten too so the comedy unit realise what a comedy gem they had in yer faither and gee yer phone a wee ring.
Jerry Sadowitz! I`ve no heard of him for years. I remember he was on the Pall bearers review and was talking about his grannies sweat running down her back when they shagged or something like that. I wish I could remember the joke. Anyway he`s from the same mould as you ya madman…
McNumptis I kidnapped him for the day and took him to Disneyland. It was a good laugh apart from the fact he jammed the ‘O’ button on his keyboard in.
Thanks for tryin to make me feel bettir Linn.
To be honest, i’m more dissapointed when i meet my comedy heroes and they’re not aloof and indignant. Don’t change, Limmy. Don’t ever change.
Weegie, gonnae clarify what you just said about me?
Ooof, sore one
reg d hunter and sadowitz for the umpteenth time cos he is a legend etc
ARGH! Just got the Tron email through, Hans Teeuwen on the 20th of March and we have already booked a play for that evening. So for folk who haven’t seen him before… GO GO GO! Not that anyone reads old entries…