If I still drank

… I’d be fucking hammering it right now.

I’m just in that frame of mind. Itching to have a drink. A big glass of wine, then another, then another. A cheap, fizzy pint in an old man’s pub that I’ve never been to.

I’m going to start drinking again when I hit 80, make up for lost time.

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38 Responses to If I still drank

  1. Ross says:

    knock yerself out buddy

  2. Rab says:

    Begs the question – what’s stopping you?

  3. Davie says:

    why did you stop?

  4. Jamie says:

    THATS THE FUCKIN SPIRIT

  5. Roach says:

    Take a drink, go on.

  6. Aye I see what you mean. You have my full respect Limmy :)

  7. Broon says:

    I’m watching an infomercial where the “world renound Chef Tony”, and William (the refridgerator) Perry are trying to sell me a rotisserie for £75. I’ve been staring at it for about twenty minutes. i’ve never needed a pint so bad in my life. the chicken does look juicy though…..

  8. Lou says:

    When you’re 80? You’ll floor yourself if you start drinking that fast at such a tender age.

    Rest assured that every other person in the world is making up for your lost time as we speak.

  9. franny says:

    Away down to the shop and get yersel a nice bottle of Ice Dragon. That stuff kept my uncle consistently drunk for a whole year! “8.2 on the Richter Scale” he used to say. I think that was the alcohol percentage in it.

  10. eddiemunster says:

    Drinking is brilliant. It makes me really funny and incredibly attractive to the opposite sex. Sometimes it can make me invisible too.

  11. Wee Bergin says:

    You could cram all that into a subctawl – we did one a few weeks back –

    ” Here love, gonnae haud ma chops while a go fur a pish?”

  12. Yvonne says:

    I had thought you would have come out with a speech like this around New Year time – why now? Bored?

  13. Limmy says:

    I just go through these phases of wanting to vanish for a while, and that’s why I stopped drinking in the first place. I’m hunky dory noo, actually, so there you go.

  14. ali bongo says:

    ah think its admirable that you have given the booze up – its a needless, harmfull distraction for me…

  15. Gee says:

    none of us really gave you the support I feel you were crying out for there, eh Brian?

    you were looking for someone to say “no” and “don’t do it, you’ll regret it afterwards” and all you got was folk saying fire on in and that’s the spirit!

    it’s almost like we wanted to see you spiral into a Britney Spears demise! actually….

  16. LondonRoadBoy says:

    I think i’m headed for being teetotal. Every time i drink now i get terrible blackouts. I wake up in the morning and can’t remember half of the night, how i got home, or why i have curry sauce/blood all down the front of my jacket. It’s no fun any more, not at the time, or on the day after.

  17. barney. says:

    Paul Daniel’s wife the lovely Debbie McGee goes through phases of wanting to vanish for a while anaw.
    Boom boom!

    Me tae when i’ve been murdering prostitutes.

  18. Limmy says:

    Gee Says:
    none of us really gave you the support I feel you were crying out for there, eh Brian?

    Naw, I don’t need anybody to say “don’t drink” or anything, I’m awright.

  19. crafu says:

    You can’t trust a man that doesn’t drink.
    Or wear a belt.
    Or both.

  20. David says:

    ye a southpark fan limmy?

    if so i reccommend ye watch season 9, episode 14.

    http://allsp.com/

  21. I'm an alligator says:

    I’ve got exams at the moment and as such I have drank once since the 2nd of January, no sorry, twice (Hot Chip tuesday night) and i’m amazed how much better I feel for it, pocket, body and mind…..people always go around saying you feel much better aff it, ITS TRUE! However, don’t you miss some of the fun that comes with being pished, I know I do……..

  22. anderson says:

    oh lovely lovely hoegaarden.
    beautifully evil temptress of my tastebuds. now i cannot wait to get out of work and upend one of those 2 ton pint glasses right down my word hole.

  23. Paul McPishtalkerpaul_f_@live.co.uk says:

    Aye,get pished n make a video,it shall be a most wonderous occasion,a real treat for the whole family *****

  24. Rab says:

    Hoegaarden = heartburn.

  25. Johnny says:

    Don’t bother Limmy. Look at all the shite you get done being sober… funny podcast, riding your bike, murdering cakes. Plus you probably get that smug better then everyone else feeling when you go out on weekends. That’s always a nice feeling.

  26. Yvonne says:

    Limmy Says:

    February 28th, 2008 at 9:04 am |
    I just go through these phases of wanting to vanish for a while, and that’s why I stopped drinking in the first place. I’m hunky dory noo, actually, so there you go.

    Eddiemunster, ye were right. Booze does make you invisible.

  27. King Rossco says:

    LondonRoadBoy Says: “I think i’m headed for being teetotal. Every time i drink now i get terrible blackouts. I wake up in the morning and can’t remember half of the night, how i got home, or why i have curry sauce/blood all down the front of my jacket. It’s no fun any more, not at the time, or on the day after.”

    I’m the same – bad hangovers don’t bother me that much, it’s the fucked-up nights I have where I booze too much and have to find oot who I offended and how the next day. It’s no all the time I’m out, but often enough. No curry sauce stains doon ma jaiket though, I’ve never been one for eating junk food when I’m pished, for some reason.

  28. leona says:

    Come and have a cheap, fizzy etc pint in my dad’s pub, it’s filled with old men and pitiful alkies. The Tayview, High Street, Newburgh, Fife.

  29. Del says:

    Funny. I was watching a recording of Horizon last night: Is alcohol worse than ecstasy? I thought its findings were spot on (other than the fact the lumped cocaine in with crack cocaine), but here is the alcohol clip.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cYll5ifYwcM

    They placed it 5th out of 20. Heroin topping the chart.

  30. conor says:

    Limmy, why dont you drink?
    Its great. And good for you too.

  31. conor says:

    Ok i just read your comment that says somethin about wantin to vanish, but a still dont understand, cus it makes your IQ go up.

  32. eddiemunster says:

    fuck drink, get right in aboot the da-rugs

  33. Wilson says:

    I stayed off it for the whole of January, Get me a medal, i think im doing well when i stay off it for a weekend, so hat off to you Limmy for being a booze free maniac,

  34. Euan says:

    I’m going through similar anguish, i haven’t had a fizzy juice since christmas. i was a bottle of irn bru a day kind of guy. got a massive craving today walking past the vendy… although i still drinklager,just no coke or bru… its been tough

  35. eddiemunster says:

    I’ve been off the beer for 5 or 6 weeks and I’ve lost half a stone. I am tanning gin and slimline tonic like it’s going out of fashion though. I don’t care if it’s a poofy drink, it is helping to halt my slide towards fat-bastard-dom.

    I fucking love lager though.

  36. Dufftown Jim says:

    I am on the nightshift the night ! nae beers for me ! (Saturday)
    I had to watch Ant and Dec with out the usual Can of McEwans.Which was painfull.
    And where am I working the night ?
    Well! Its at a whisky distillery in the mashing department .
    Making 48,000 litres of wash the night which after about 60 hours has the same strength as special brew.
    You don’t want to drink it though, it still has yeast in it and will give you a right dose of the skitter.
    A certain guy at the still was known for doin this long ago and after his shift was finished the lavvy pan wis yurded right up to the cistern!

  37. AndyYo says:

    I gave up drink a month ago, and feel a lot better for it. Not that I was an alky, but drink has that subtle effect on my mood and energy – even a few days after a drink – just feel grey, and out of sorts. Now I feel a lot better – drinkers, take just a week off the drink and see how you feel.

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